Help me vet i am sick RarRarD+Rar+lah(i suppose pandas shld groan like this)

Once upon a time there was this magnificant beast called the white unicorn it had a horn so shiny that many sort to use it like a magical wand and its mane was so smooth it can be furnished into the best carpet. However it offended the Beast of all Beast, the animal of all animal and was given a curse. Black spots start to appear out of the white mane and the glittering horn last it's shine and dropped off like a shaggy old dick dangling form the sack. The body huff and puff and become very much bloated like a balloon. The unicorn could not sleep for many nights due to this drastic change and thus develop dark patches around his eyes. He became to be know as the panda. If you guys reading these think i am cocking up, think again because everything has a link but where is the link, it is Darwin's theory of evolution. You see a Chamander will one day become a Charizard and a Agumon will become a MetalGreymon. So a unicorn will evolve to become a panda unless you press the B button during evolution.

I had a vision while i was coughing in bed, my ancestor came to me and told me an anicent remedy for the upoming Influenza A outbreak, everyone shld start smoking becos in tobacco their are three time more nicotine then average flu medicine and kids we all know whatmake a healthy growth, nicotine and tar, sothe next time you are chosing a brand of cigratte pls see if there is the healthier choice logo and pls consult your family vet if you need to get an presciption tobacca and remember dun roll it yourself cos safety first.

AZMR
The panda that continue its run but pls someone bring him back ass he is really sick and needs
to see the vet. RarRarD time to take the medicine that make me drowsy again. PLs dun shave my fur off when i am asleep. Thank You.